Months.  I’ve been thinking about it for months.  Trim Healthy Mama (THM).  Inching precariously closer to trying it.  And I have to say, I’m not gung-ho about it.  I’m not “jacked up” or “LET’S DO THIS!”  In all fairness, I don’t really get that way about anything, so this isn’t really an indicator of much.  In my experience, the few times I have bought all-in to things, and I’m not just talking about diets, it has ended in failure and emotional disaster on my part.  I’m skeptical.

I’m also “done.”  Several years ago I resigned myself to never being able to achieve what I want out of life.  Pretty much everything I have ever started I have also quit—jobs, a career, pets, diets, exercise, writing books, college (I did manage to finish that, for all a degree in Sociology is worth <eye roll>, but it took dropping out and going back to get it done).  I just don’t seem to be capable of the either the level of complexity these things require or have the tenacity to stick with them or both.  To top it off, when talking about health issues, I seem to have inherited every sucky genetic problem that is carried on both sides of my family—mental health issues (from both sides, bonus!), a genetic mutation that can cause blood clots, tendency for belly weight gain, high cholesterol, and I’m sure once I hit menopause my blood pressure will sky rocket and heart disease will kick in.  I can diet and exercise all day and the weight goes nowhere.  So, I just gave up.  Sick of fighting it all, I quit.  When I want fast food, I get it.  I don’t like fruits so I don’t eat them.  Vegetables are good, but I don’t crave them or particularly want to eat them so I often don’t.  In my defense, I’m not big on potato chips, donuts/pastries, cookies, candy, pies, ice cream, Cheetos, or hot dogs either.  But I do love anything with lots of cheese, pasta, and potatoes.  Macaroni and cheese, lasagne, nachos, pasta salad, pizza, spaghetti, cheeseburgers, french fries…you get the idea.  I gave up on the other areas of my life too, but that would be a topic for a whole other blog.  I just don’t think I can take failing at one more thing and my track record is not good.

Let’s be honest, I have issues.  No doubt most of them arising from my stubbornness due to my German-Dutch, with sprinklings of Norwegian and Irish thrown in, ancestry and the remainder arising from laziness.  I want things easy.  I want to be able to eat literally whatever I want and fit into size 10 jeans (I’m a size 22/24 now so a 10 would be a HUGE–or would it be shrinking in this case?–improvement), and there is no diet out there that is going to make that happen.  For the last five years I have been throwing a grown-up version of a temper tantrum by refusing to even try because I’ve been dealt a crappy gene pool and I don’t want to get off my dead you-know-what only to get no visible results.  I just don’t think I can take failing at one more thing and my track record is not good, so I’m still standing on the edge of THM.